I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside..
So I now I
have the lucky seven. As in seven little inklings on my body. The last
one is sort of special in a different way. Yes it is obvious and trite
in one regards. But with me everything has deeper meaning and all these
dualities. The swan could be both the "black swan" to match my
Radiohead Minotaur as well as just the ugly duckling thing. As too can
the word love in German no less.
But my Grandma always used that
term of endearment in regards to me when I was a little girl. And
those that know me might also be aware she had a stroke last October.
She is mentally better now, but still not the same and has lots of
other health problems. It is just the process of life and I have to
come to terms with it...but still, it hurts.
Right now part of
me wants to bottle up the time when I was a little girl, and my Grandma
was totally healthy and had many years ahead of her. When I still had
these big dreams and fantasies that nobody could crush. When summer
seemed to last forever and the best thing ever was listening to the hum
of heater going on and off on a winter night. Life was simple or
simpler and beautiful rather than scary and so unsure. I knew who my
friends were and even though there was no myspace the little sentiments
we wrote on silly notes were sincere and true.
I don't want to go back. That is silly. But I wish I could have a little of the past with me. Always. And with this I do.
Comments